Black & White

A friend of mine just came back from her first-ever trip to Poland in which she visited Auschwitz. I was stunned and intimidated when she mentioned that but she skimmed over her visit to the concentration camp saying it had been a difficult day and I did not dare press her. Last night, as I went to bed, I was remembering our conversation and wondering about my reluctance, as this is of interest to me.
I tried to imagine myself visiting a concentration camp. All I could see in my mind's eye were black and white pictures. I have seen, in College, actual footage of the liberation of concentration camps by the Allied forces. Those pictures were in black and white as color film had not yet been invented. I got the feeling that the books I had read never mentioned color. When you are busy surviving, color is not your main focus. I don't know if I was ever in the presence of a survivor but I certainly never broached the subject. I remember reading a book from Bruno Bettelheim, a psychoanalyst and survivor, in my teenage years (The Informed Heart).
I wonder if you feel the pain, sadness and dread. The fear must permeate this compound. I wonder if it feels ordinary and if you have trouble believing in the existence of such evil. I wonder if I would want to go... Would I feel like a voyeur? How could I explain my motivation/fascination? Why would I want to go to a place that I fully expect would make me feel so rotten? Maybe it is the hope that I would feel horrible that would draw me there. The expectation of powerfully feeling the pain of so many people. Or the necessity of not letting the past die.

For those of you who enjoy graphic novels, I strongly recommend Spiegelman's Maus on the subject.