Between Awe and Anguish

I've been meaning to write this blog for a long time but I keep forgetting. This morning it happened again and I was spurred into action. Sometimes when you are trying to post a comment, you have to pass a security test to avoid spams. There are some "dirty" or garbled letters you have to copy into a text field. It can be a mix of numbers and letters - either way, they are ineligible to a machine.
I am torn between awe and anguish. Awe for such a simple device: the brain automatically discards the white noise. It recognizes the shapes of letters and numbers instantly, in the same way that a person with colour blindness could make out a number in Time's big books where I, as a child, was struggling. The brain of a colour-blind person singles out the extraneous colours as mine was trying to make sense of it.
Anguish because I always get this pinch, something of a sinking feeling: can I pass this test? I don't breeze through this seemingly innocuous task. My brain rebels against nonsensical words. It is forever trying to make sense of things. S N S E - you mean "sense", right? Or did you want to write "sene" - more unusual but you are unusual, aren't you. I would know, I live in your head...
So I concentrate and write out what is there: BUL7P - buzzer sound: try again. I break into a cold sweat. I don't know what I did wrong because I am given a totally different set to transcribe. Is it easier? Do they give easier sets the second time around? What if I fail this one? Will my comment ever make it in? Is my comment worth the effort? Will it add anything to the discussion? What is this need to express my opinion, over and over again? Success! My comment is in! I forget the whole thing and move on.