Old Friend

One of the other good things about my government job is that it is located within walking distance to where the Bookmobile hunkers down for a few hours on Tuesday. This means that I still have access to all the books from the Main Library. "Bookmobile" is a permanent appointment on my Outlook. I go on my lunch hour because it closes at 12:00. It is a 15-minute walk on a busy street with lunch-hour traffic - dusty, noisy and a forced walk so I can have a few minutes more choosing books.
I turn on to a side street and head into a strip mall. I start humming Chris de Burgh's "Old Friend" song and see the bus. It always brings a smile to my face. Therein lies a chance at happiness, treasures galore, non-stop surprises, and friendly staff. During the week, I reserve books I hear or read about. They lay waiting the next time I go. I bring back books and browse the elegant wooden bookcases. There is a selection of magazines, children's books, CDs and DVDs, French books, and a miscellanea of fiction and non-fiction (how big is this bus, anyway?). There is also a checkout counter. The whole thing is as elegant and functional as a boat. I love boating, on lakes, on the sea and on the ground. It's all good.

Not Zen

I learned something about myself the other day.
I had put aside a day for my mom. I had agreed to drive her around, run errands with her, drop her off for lunch with friends and pick her up later. In the meantime, I was going to get my hair cut, lunch with friends and, after I dropped her off, visit another friend.
First thing anybody but me would notice - I am overbooked if I try and follow that schedule. But that is what I do: I pack lots of things in one day.
So... back to my story. I was waiting at the bank for my mom to do her banking. She was standing in line and I was sitting by the door, bored. So I decided to phone some friends on my nifty cell phone. That's when I had my epiphany: I can't stand to be bored! Now, the fact that I never noticed this before smacks of low self-awareness. Somehow, I have made myself believe I am zen. I don't go around like a chicken with its head cut off. But... that's because of circumstances beyond my control. I often carpool so I don't have the luxury of wheels. I live too far from work so I don't bike in - no wheels. I am cheap so I don't do much or spend much. I live far from where I live so I don't tend to hang around town where temptation lurks at every corner.
I am not much of a consumer in Ottawa. But when I head for Montreal, I feel on vacation and spend and swirl until there's no tomorrow! And act like a headless chicken.
First step is acknowledging the weakness - I am a sucker for distraction. Second step is to do something about it. I will strive for mindfulness. We'll see if that leads anywhere.

Sample

I was asked for sample meals. Well, we're not always completely raw but here is what we ate yesterday:

- breakfast: fruit smoothie (I am addicted so I don't vary but you can): 1 banana, defrost mango chunks and equal amount of frozen 4 berries with small amount of water. Put everything in blender and blend until thick and yummy. Drink your fruits (easy way to get sugar high - uh - all your fruits).
- lunch: big salad (yesterday was traditional with olives and feta cheese (which I believe is cheating but I am hungry so not feeling fussy at all).
- dinner: fake hamburger: you take a shitaake mushroom (or 2, but 1 was enough) for the bun, add a nut spread for dressing + tomato and lettuce. Side of fries is actually jicama (yeah, I didn't know what that was either. It is sold in the vegetable section. Quite fibrous and watery) peeled and cut to resemble fries and seasoned with the recommended dressing. Swiss chard salad with pine nuts and raisins. Bits of chocolate from a chocolate bar I bought at the pharmacy yesterday (I used to eat that quite a bit but found it very sweet and not that good yesterday - new taste buds?). Usually we skip dessert or have a fruit.
Though yesterday we had a fake chocolate cake (dough made with dates brownie-like) choco cake yesterday topped with cherries - absolutely decadent).

Raw Eating - Pros and Cons

I am finding it difficult to switch back and forth between cooked and raw. I spent the week-end away from home and ate cooked food. My digestive balance is off.
Eating raw means you need to work at eating - you chew more before you swallow. There is more volume and you tend to get full faster.
No cravings. None.
Very few dishes to wash.

We are still waiting for the dehydrator. We received a call saying it was in back order and would be shipped in 7 days.

I still need to up my water consumption. Yesterday it was freezing cold at the office so I hardly drank at all.

Rah rah!

In the last week, we have started eating raw. My friend M had lent us two raw recipe books that we perused and immediately bought off Amazon (with a third one thrown in for good measure).
Raw means we get our protein from fruits, vegetables, nuts of all kinds. A sample of meals: california rolls; huge salads (cauliflower or red cabbage or kale or zucchini); warm soup (not hot as to not break down something that needs to stay intact - yes, I need to read on the subject); warm miso soup; fake sushi rolls (the rice is replaced with grated carrots). Everything Y makes is just wonderful. I passively sit and get served whatever she feels like eating. I was intrigued by the raw food movement a few years back but just couldn't get past the meat. How do you prepare meat if you don't cook it? Simple - you don't eat meat! (we cheated and had smoked salmon last night to celebrate)
I have been been bringing my lunch to work with morning and afternoon snacks (fruits) and, to my surprise, I haven't been hungry nor had any cravings. I have tried to drink more and have felt more alert in meetings and generally sharper of mind. We're happy with how we feel and are contemplating buying a dehydrator to prepare raw bread, dried fruits, etc.

Feeling Like Buddah

Okay, the title is presumptuous but here is how it goes: I chatted with a 14-year old going to public school. She is tiny, almost frail, but with a temper she cultivates. She was telling me about the time a gang beat her up at school. She was on the ground covering her head and they were hitting her. The beating stopped (no explanation), her friends helped her up, she ran off to hit a friend (?) who brought her to the infirmary where she got hugs (which seemed to satisfy her). And then she got revenge the next day. I am not sure if that was a turning point in her young life. She says she is doing much better in school these days, not getting punished and stuff. Her grades are up and her friends have said she keeps her temper in check. She added her dad sometimes gets really angry but her mom is afraid of her (she seemed to relish that). She tends to slam doors and hit the wall with her fists to get her anger out. Her father encourages her to sing when she's mad.

I am appalled that this is reality for the young. I think and think and feel powerless. I end up thinking/singing "All You Need is Love". This awakening of mine is late in coming. It is a result of my current work, where I come into contact with people of different walks of life. I feel sheltered, privileged, and that I owe the others. I need to be of service now. I need to figure out how.

En garde!

I just finished my first game after a hiatus of many years. My passion is as strong as ever - two minds battling on a few squares of colors. As a child, I mostly played against my older brothers or my father which means... I learned a lot, mainly how to lose graciously.
My husband did not like to lose and so we quickly stopped playing against each other. He much preferred the computer where he could alternate being himself and then the computer when his luck ran out.
I have read at least three stories where men become obsessed with the game, with dire consequences in all cases. As this is a mind game, it makes perfect sense that a life could be ruined by thoughts gone wild. To me, playing chess trumps all other games - more fun than cards because all things are equal; more fun than sports because the intellect and emotions are more solicited; more fun than any other board games though I must confess not knowing how to play go.
I can't wait for our next encounter on tomorrow's battleground.

En garde!

Nord perdu

Nancy Huston's musings on belonging strike home again. An English Canadian who made her home in France, Huston is forever à cheval between cultures. She brilliantly details subtle and not-so-subtle instances of gotchas (when people remark she used the wrong gender agreement and 'outs' her as an outsider) and plain foreignness.
She expresses the pain of being displaced wherever she is - the inevitable chasm created by the day-to-day activities not shared by those who stayed behind. They know a certain part of you, but not the everyday fabric of your life and so, visiting friends back in Canada, she is immersed in her childhood which only takes into account part of the total person she has become.
A reflection on growth, change, expectations and the need to belong all wrapped up in one beautifully crafted little book.

GPS-challenged

I got a GPS for Christmas! Surely I will never get lost again? But, wait! You are talking to a pro.

No, seriously, I love my GPS. We had to make a few adjustments though: why is it annoyed that I am on the Queensway? Why is it urging me to take the off-ramp again and again while running a parallel route? Why does it never ever suggest I use the highway though it is clearly the quickest way home? Why does it tell me I will be there in 6 hours instead of 45 minutes? I checked the clock ad I have the right time. What is it I forgot?? (obviously, to read the User's manual)

You can actually use the GPS to get around on foot and I seemed to have accidentally changed the parameter from driving to walking.... So - no highway for me - ever, ever, ever - and well, I walk very quickly (never a word of praise though).

We used it while going to a friend's place (with the walking setting) and it kept telling us to get off the Queensway. After a while, it started sulking (I called it "my GPS with an attitude") and basically ignored us. We thought it was hilarious and I started making up conversation with it. I am sure it could be a hit at parties.

Another thing is it can't find our address so we can't tell it to "Go Home" (well, we tricked it and we can now but I am talking early days). On an overcast day, it took so long to give me directions that I called home to get directions (no I didn't have a map in the car - I NEED a GPS, ok?).

Another time, I followed a circuitous road home (I was on the walking setting so no highway for me). You don't have to plug it in when it is charged so I didn't. It was a dark night, I was in a place I didn't know) when... the battery stopped dead. I was clearly impressed. I actually, I started laughing and fumbled a bit before plugging it back in (no there was no irate driver behind me. You have to be thankful for lonely deserted roads). I disregarded its instructions and headed for the highway... It kept recalculating and frantically trying to lure me away. I thought I had received a neurotic GPS. Turns out it's only as smart as you are and... it turns out I could be smarter.

What I found interesting was that I discovered I had habits I did not know I had, shortcuts I enjoy, places I avoid. It made me more aware of my likes and dislikes and so I can use it as a tool of self-discovery. I think it is a hidden benefit.