Wild-turkey watching

We have been feeding the wild turkeys whose tracks we saw deeper in our woods. We chose a spot far enough from the house for comfort but close enough for observation (I am guessing we too are being watched).
Typically, we first get three turkeys that scratch the ground for a while, followed later by a lone turkey we named Ulric. After a bit of Internet digging, we realized that our lone turkey is a male (the other three also) and renamed him from Beatrice to Ulric. Not that he comes when called. Every day, he spends a few hours grazing. Yesterday, we opened the oven door which released a lot of hot air and caused our fire alarm to go off (yay, it works). The turkey continued eating, unfazed. I was able to take a few pictures without them running away (unlike deer who hate camera lens - survival skills? I figure as soon as they can't see our eyes, it means a shot will ring.)
I am enjoying the company, to my surprise. They are not invasive nor noisy. Pretty cool.

Old Friend

One of the other good things about my government job is that it is located within walking distance to where the Bookmobile hunkers down for a few hours on Tuesday. This means that I still have access to all the books from the Main Library. "Bookmobile" is a permanent appointment on my Outlook. I go on my lunch hour because it closes at 12:00. It is a 15-minute walk on a busy street with lunch-hour traffic - dusty, noisy and a forced walk so I can have a few minutes more choosing books.
I turn on to a side street and head into a strip mall. I start humming Chris de Burgh's "Old Friend" song and see the bus. It always brings a smile to my face. Therein lies a chance at happiness, treasures galore, non-stop surprises, and friendly staff. During the week, I reserve books I hear or read about. They lay waiting the next time I go. I bring back books and browse the elegant wooden bookcases. There is a selection of magazines, children's books, CDs and DVDs, French books, and a miscellanea of fiction and non-fiction (how big is this bus, anyway?). There is also a checkout counter. The whole thing is as elegant and functional as a boat. I love boating, on lakes, on the sea and on the ground. It's all good.

Not Zen

I learned something about myself the other day.
I had put aside a day for my mom. I had agreed to drive her around, run errands with her, drop her off for lunch with friends and pick her up later. In the meantime, I was going to get my hair cut, lunch with friends and, after I dropped her off, visit another friend.
First thing anybody but me would notice - I am overbooked if I try and follow that schedule. But that is what I do: I pack lots of things in one day.
So... back to my story. I was waiting at the bank for my mom to do her banking. She was standing in line and I was sitting by the door, bored. So I decided to phone some friends on my nifty cell phone. That's when I had my epiphany: I can't stand to be bored! Now, the fact that I never noticed this before smacks of low self-awareness. Somehow, I have made myself believe I am zen. I don't go around like a chicken with its head cut off. But... that's because of circumstances beyond my control. I often carpool so I don't have the luxury of wheels. I live too far from work so I don't bike in - no wheels. I am cheap so I don't do much or spend much. I live far from where I live so I don't tend to hang around town where temptation lurks at every corner.
I am not much of a consumer in Ottawa. But when I head for Montreal, I feel on vacation and spend and swirl until there's no tomorrow! And act like a headless chicken.
First step is acknowledging the weakness - I am a sucker for distraction. Second step is to do something about it. I will strive for mindfulness. We'll see if that leads anywhere.

Sample

I was asked for sample meals. Well, we're not always completely raw but here is what we ate yesterday:

- breakfast: fruit smoothie (I am addicted so I don't vary but you can): 1 banana, defrost mango chunks and equal amount of frozen 4 berries with small amount of water. Put everything in blender and blend until thick and yummy. Drink your fruits (easy way to get sugar high - uh - all your fruits).
- lunch: big salad (yesterday was traditional with olives and feta cheese (which I believe is cheating but I am hungry so not feeling fussy at all).
- dinner: fake hamburger: you take a shitaake mushroom (or 2, but 1 was enough) for the bun, add a nut spread for dressing + tomato and lettuce. Side of fries is actually jicama (yeah, I didn't know what that was either. It is sold in the vegetable section. Quite fibrous and watery) peeled and cut to resemble fries and seasoned with the recommended dressing. Swiss chard salad with pine nuts and raisins. Bits of chocolate from a chocolate bar I bought at the pharmacy yesterday (I used to eat that quite a bit but found it very sweet and not that good yesterday - new taste buds?). Usually we skip dessert or have a fruit.
Though yesterday we had a fake chocolate cake (dough made with dates brownie-like) choco cake yesterday topped with cherries - absolutely decadent).

Raw Eating - Pros and Cons

I am finding it difficult to switch back and forth between cooked and raw. I spent the week-end away from home and ate cooked food. My digestive balance is off.
Eating raw means you need to work at eating - you chew more before you swallow. There is more volume and you tend to get full faster.
No cravings. None.
Very few dishes to wash.

We are still waiting for the dehydrator. We received a call saying it was in back order and would be shipped in 7 days.

I still need to up my water consumption. Yesterday it was freezing cold at the office so I hardly drank at all.

Rah rah!

In the last week, we have started eating raw. My friend M had lent us two raw recipe books that we perused and immediately bought off Amazon (with a third one thrown in for good measure).
Raw means we get our protein from fruits, vegetables, nuts of all kinds. A sample of meals: california rolls; huge salads (cauliflower or red cabbage or kale or zucchini); warm soup (not hot as to not break down something that needs to stay intact - yes, I need to read on the subject); warm miso soup; fake sushi rolls (the rice is replaced with grated carrots). Everything Y makes is just wonderful. I passively sit and get served whatever she feels like eating. I was intrigued by the raw food movement a few years back but just couldn't get past the meat. How do you prepare meat if you don't cook it? Simple - you don't eat meat! (we cheated and had smoked salmon last night to celebrate)
I have been been bringing my lunch to work with morning and afternoon snacks (fruits) and, to my surprise, I haven't been hungry nor had any cravings. I have tried to drink more and have felt more alert in meetings and generally sharper of mind. We're happy with how we feel and are contemplating buying a dehydrator to prepare raw bread, dried fruits, etc.

Feeling Like Buddah

Okay, the title is presumptuous but here is how it goes: I chatted with a 14-year old going to public school. She is tiny, almost frail, but with a temper she cultivates. She was telling me about the time a gang beat her up at school. She was on the ground covering her head and they were hitting her. The beating stopped (no explanation), her friends helped her up, she ran off to hit a friend (?) who brought her to the infirmary where she got hugs (which seemed to satisfy her). And then she got revenge the next day. I am not sure if that was a turning point in her young life. She says she is doing much better in school these days, not getting punished and stuff. Her grades are up and her friends have said she keeps her temper in check. She added her dad sometimes gets really angry but her mom is afraid of her (she seemed to relish that). She tends to slam doors and hit the wall with her fists to get her anger out. Her father encourages her to sing when she's mad.

I am appalled that this is reality for the young. I think and think and feel powerless. I end up thinking/singing "All You Need is Love". This awakening of mine is late in coming. It is a result of my current work, where I come into contact with people of different walks of life. I feel sheltered, privileged, and that I owe the others. I need to be of service now. I need to figure out how.

En garde!

I just finished my first game after a hiatus of many years. My passion is as strong as ever - two minds battling on a few squares of colors. As a child, I mostly played against my older brothers or my father which means... I learned a lot, mainly how to lose graciously.
My husband did not like to lose and so we quickly stopped playing against each other. He much preferred the computer where he could alternate being himself and then the computer when his luck ran out.
I have read at least three stories where men become obsessed with the game, with dire consequences in all cases. As this is a mind game, it makes perfect sense that a life could be ruined by thoughts gone wild. To me, playing chess trumps all other games - more fun than cards because all things are equal; more fun than sports because the intellect and emotions are more solicited; more fun than any other board games though I must confess not knowing how to play go.
I can't wait for our next encounter on tomorrow's battleground.

En garde!

Nord perdu

Nancy Huston's musings on belonging strike home again. An English Canadian who made her home in France, Huston is forever à cheval between cultures. She brilliantly details subtle and not-so-subtle instances of gotchas (when people remark she used the wrong gender agreement and 'outs' her as an outsider) and plain foreignness.
She expresses the pain of being displaced wherever she is - the inevitable chasm created by the day-to-day activities not shared by those who stayed behind. They know a certain part of you, but not the everyday fabric of your life and so, visiting friends back in Canada, she is immersed in her childhood which only takes into account part of the total person she has become.
A reflection on growth, change, expectations and the need to belong all wrapped up in one beautifully crafted little book.

GPS-challenged

I got a GPS for Christmas! Surely I will never get lost again? But, wait! You are talking to a pro.

No, seriously, I love my GPS. We had to make a few adjustments though: why is it annoyed that I am on the Queensway? Why is it urging me to take the off-ramp again and again while running a parallel route? Why does it never ever suggest I use the highway though it is clearly the quickest way home? Why does it tell me I will be there in 6 hours instead of 45 minutes? I checked the clock ad I have the right time. What is it I forgot?? (obviously, to read the User's manual)

You can actually use the GPS to get around on foot and I seemed to have accidentally changed the parameter from driving to walking.... So - no highway for me - ever, ever, ever - and well, I walk very quickly (never a word of praise though).

We used it while going to a friend's place (with the walking setting) and it kept telling us to get off the Queensway. After a while, it started sulking (I called it "my GPS with an attitude") and basically ignored us. We thought it was hilarious and I started making up conversation with it. I am sure it could be a hit at parties.

Another thing is it can't find our address so we can't tell it to "Go Home" (well, we tricked it and we can now but I am talking early days). On an overcast day, it took so long to give me directions that I called home to get directions (no I didn't have a map in the car - I NEED a GPS, ok?).

Another time, I followed a circuitous road home (I was on the walking setting so no highway for me). You don't have to plug it in when it is charged so I didn't. It was a dark night, I was in a place I didn't know) when... the battery stopped dead. I was clearly impressed. I actually, I started laughing and fumbled a bit before plugging it back in (no there was no irate driver behind me. You have to be thankful for lonely deserted roads). I disregarded its instructions and headed for the highway... It kept recalculating and frantically trying to lure me away. I thought I had received a neurotic GPS. Turns out it's only as smart as you are and... it turns out I could be smarter.

What I found interesting was that I discovered I had habits I did not know I had, shortcuts I enjoy, places I avoid. It made me more aware of my likes and dislikes and so I can use it as a tool of self-discovery. I think it is a hidden benefit.

Folders of life

A while back, I cleaned out the basement and cluttered up my office with papers to file to. I finally got around to filing last week-end and noticed something interesting. I created 4 big folders: Correspondence (memorabilia from friends and family); Creativity (hobbies or projects other than scrapbooking); Work (resume, leads, etc) and Travel. The funny thing is the relative weight of each. Creativity is by far my lightest item (though that fact is skewed as most of the rest of my desk is taken up with scrapbooking-related paraphernalia) with work being the heaviest and fullest of the 4. Now that tells me that my work balance might be a bit off. I was happy to see that my relationships folder was quite healthy and bulgy (though I need to improve on the travel one). In a way, it is a nice summary of how my life has been divided. It was a nice bonus from the de-cluttering process: I got a bit of clarity and reflection on my life.

Art (part 2)

Putting a positive spin on things seems to run in the family. I was browsing my brother's site on flickr when I came across this picture:


Anybody who has ever been bullied cringes when they see sneakers on a telephone line. My brother? Makes them into a work of art.

Art that speaks to me is often social commentary.

I must say I love this one.

Act of beauty

My mom told me a good story today.
She has been totally appalled and disgusted by acts of vandalism against city property, namely people breaking windows of bus shelters. She takes the bus quite often and has watched the seemingly endless cycle of those windows being broken and replaced just to be broken again. She has stood helplessly on the sidelines, fuming. For those of you who know my mom, you know something's gotta give.
Since she retired, my mom has been doing watercolours with a passion. She has always looked around for inspiration and the other day, she saw it in a window that had been shattered but not broken. The shattering was in the shape of a star, which she dutifully copied in her notebook. Then she saw another shattered window, with a "better-looking" star, which she also copied down. She was inspired to write a poem (which I asked her to send me) and was moved the next day to post it beside the star... thereby transforming it in an act of beauty. She was amazed at her own boldness!

I dreamt I was a butterfly

I just woke up from an unsettling dream in which I was taking a language class. It seems I was at the intermediate level. I usually stopped by the beginner's class at 5:00 after work to say hi to my best friend M. who took that class, then moved on to my own. On the day of the dream, I couldn't remember what time I was due in class. At 5:00, I was eating chips (another unusual event) when the phone rang from a language provider from work, asking how they were doing. They implied that I now had to answer this very loaded question because of some reason I couldn't understand. They wanted to know because they were bidding for a new projects and wanted to get some assurance they would get chosen. I answered noncommittally, but in a very assured voice and they were satisfied and hung up. My body told me I was supposed to be elsewhere; I was also given to understand that M. had called her father to know if I had called him to say I couldn't show up. As I was walking to catch the bus, I had to go up a hill and I couldn't figure out where the bus was supposed to come from. One went past (not mine), so I headed that way. Some people were waiting, milling around. I was trying to make sense of the routes. There was a disturbance (a fight, maybe? pushing? shoving? - no yelling). I can't remember now but I think I woke up before getting to class. I woke up and thought Alzheimer - which is what makes this confused dream interesting.

To my mind, these could be clues in how Alzheimer progresses: what is most interesting to me is the lack of affect. Dreams where you are late for class are common and they usually signal anxiety - the kind you feel as a child and which you use as a symbol from then on. In this dream, though I felt the class interested me (and the dream specifies it was a language class, which is a sure sign I wouldn't miss it) I wasn't rattled by the fact that I might be late or miss it entirely. There is also the lack of affect in regards to work and the fact that someone was blatantly trying to take advantage of this perceived flaw. I could tell my thoughts were muddled but did not want it to show. Also, my body let me know I usually should be doing a certain thing (on Tuesdays, you get ready for class) and I felt restless. My response was to eat chips - totally inappropriate and out of character. I wonder if there is a lack of sodium in sufferers of Alzheimer?

I remember the last years of my grandma - she was confused and afraid and then slowly dispassionate though anxious. I wonder if by studying dreams you could see the progression in Alzheimer's patients.

Culture Shock

I started my new job last Tuesday and, well, I was in for a surprise. I spent all my working life either working in high tech for big corporations or freelancing. And now for something completely different...

Differences:
- I bring a book to work and actually have time to read while I wait for my ride (instead of working).
- I work in a noisy open environment (as opposed to a quiet open environment)
- the complexity of the work is 2/10 rather than 9/10
- everybody is bilingual French/English or English/French as opposed to Russian/French or Chinese/English
- I had one meeting last week. One.
- I don't have email yet, and it doesn't hurt my productivity (heck! it might even enhance it)
- ditto for the Internet

Ok, so I am just starting. But still, this is SOOOO promising! ; -)

Give me an R...

Here’s a fun game I got from XY x2:

Comment on this post and I’ll give you a letter. List ten things you LOVE which begin with that letter, then post this in your journal and give out some letters of your own.

She gave me the letter R. Here’s my list:

Red - Vibrant, alive and cheerful.

Reading - I spend most of my free time immersed in books. I have been doing that since childhood. I still haven't come up with a definitive list of the books to bring on a desert island (that will be for another post).

Roger - that's my dad. He used to sing to us: "J'aime papa, j'aime maman, j'aime mon p'tit chien, mon p'tit chat, mon p'tit frère/J'aime papa, j'aime maman, j'aime mon p'tit chien et mon cerf-volant." That should get anybody's priorities straight.

Red Sails - lyrics from Bowie. On his Lodger LP. Anything by Bowie, really. He was my favorite singer all my teenage years (I can't say I listen much to him these days).

Le rhinocéros- a marvelously absurd play from Eugène Ionesco. I first saw it in the 1980s with my then-boyfriend who absolutely didn't get it. I should have known right then and there that our relationship was doomed...

Rabbits! - I just love them! It seems I am a rabbit (or hare) in Asian horoscopes. That's fine by me. Maybe it's my totem too?

Running - not in an organized way, mind you. I just love starting to run for no reason, for the sheer pleasure of feeling my muscles respond to my whim, for the fun of speed and the joy of freedom.

Rain - I like thunderstorms ("St. Peter playing bowling" my grandma would say), my mom's memory of rain (school was out if it rained hard because it would flood the dry riverbed and they couldn't cross it; rain is full of hope) and well... rain in and of itself.

Railways - We lived near railways many, many times. They are part of the fabric of myself. I once walked to another town on the railway - it clearly is the shortest route. My brothers boarded merchandise trains for the fun of it (I wasn't supposed to know as I was too young for those dangerous games).

Revolution - Ah well, I love change. Peaceful revolution is certainly the best kind with evolving attitudes and technology.

Culture Shock

A demolition derby is an excellent place to experience a shock to the system. The idea itself is preposterous: line up some cars, have them crash into one other. The referees decide who wins between the last cars left running. There are obviously rules (there are referees and they get to settle matters); the referees direct the drivers to be more aggressive, from what we could see. We got the impression that the more hits you distribute, the higher you rated.

We went to a demolition derby last week-end. The words "white trash" were never far from our lips. It's a wonder to be in a stand with hundreds of spectators, watching cars run into each other for the purpose of giving a show. Is that how the decadent Romans felt watching the gladiators fight to the death? We are taught to take care of our cars and feel bad when you are in an accident but crashing and getting run into is the whole point of this game.
I wonder if people enjoy seeing the transgression acted out? Is it some kind of release by proxy? We were left with a feeling of unease - for having enjoyed some of it? Strange hobby...

Quick and Dirty

My life has been pretty busy lately and I have been meaning to blog again and again. So here are the news, briefly:
- We bought ourselves a light touring kayak at Jenda Paddlesports, close to home. The idea was to have a light boat that one person could handle singly i.e. put on the car, drive away, put in water and back. That way, we don't have to wait for everybody to feel like going at the same time. The kayak is from Wilderness Systems; it is a Tsunami 135 (not shown here, but scroll down to see the Tsunami 140 which is pretty close). It exceeds our wildest dreams - it is stable and fast and we love. We tried it a few times on those warm days we have had recently. The feeling of freedom is just awesome.
- I have a new job. It starts Sept 22 and I can't wait. I will be working on the applications designed by the previous company I worked for so I expect to be very comfortable in that environment. Plus I will be writing instructions which is a new direction I wanted to take in my career.
- We finally got a Wii Fit! We lined up at Future Shop 30 minutes before opening hour and secured a copy. Yay! Then we ran errands and so forth and were too tired to set it up by the time we got home. Go figure...

The Wonders of Nature

We rented a kayak for the first time ever this week. We had been out canoeing a few times in the past but were interested in kayaks for their lightness and the flexibility they afforded. Those things are light and fast as well as easy to maneuver. You can do a light or strenuous workout depending on your mood. Very versatile.
So. Because we planned to come back late, the owner of the little shop which was opened that day (it was hit and miss until we thought of Merrickville) was nice enough to allow us to call him home after the store was closed so he could retrieve his kayak. We followed him home to unload it once (instead of transferring the kayak from our car to his van). On our way back from Charleston Lake, we saw an inordinate number of frogs in the beams of the car. The shop owner told us that they migrated back to the river en masse every fall to bury themselves in the mud to hibernate. We were to swerve to avoid squishing them and we should keep an eye out for raccoons and skunks who were out hunting after the frogs to avoid accidentally killing prey and predators alike. What a kind, sweet man to be worrying about the wildlife around him, caring enough to instruct us on the preservation of these frogs. Earlier on, at the provincial park, we had to pay attention to the snakes, sunning themselves on the asphalt (we didn't see any, though there were lots of rustling noises when I went hiking). Lots happening around us as the critters get ready for the cold weather. We're still thinking water sports and enjoying those nice warm days.

Sign from above

I was waiting for Paul today and looked up towards the treetops. I enjoy the interplay between the bright green leaves and the clear blue sky. The contrast makes me smile with joy. On this particular day, my eye caught a glimpse of something floating down. I positioned myself so the feather - black, tiny, feathery and fragile - would land straight in my hands held palm upwards. I felt its caress as it landed softly. Where did it come from? I can only surmise an angel dropped it as she was flying over our property.